50 Caddyshack Quotes on Golf, Ambition, and Success (2022)

If you love sports and comedy, these Caddyshack quotes are perfect for you.

Caddyshack is a sports comedy movie that shows the hilarious chaos brought by the rivalry of wealthy men in an exclusive country club.

However, something worth noting is Danny Noonan’s pursuit of success.

He is a young man who dreamed of going to college to gain a sense of direction, but his desire to climb up the social ladder messed up his opportunities in life.

Danny worked as a caddie in the Bushwood Country Club for Ty Webb and Judge Smails.

At first, he was inclined to dedicate his utmost loyalty to Judge Smails. But, he soon realizes that he might not have good intentions toward him after all.

We don’t immediately figure out what we’re passionate about in life, but we know that we want to succeed.

This leads us to trust people we think will help us reach the top. But, how can we be sure that their intentions toward us are pure?

So, join us as we enter Danny Noonan’s world, and don’t miss these pearls of wisdom on trust, success, privilege, and more!

Make sure you read through to the end to gain some great insights!

Start reading here.

Best Caddyshack Quotes

1. “Don’t sell yourself, short Judge, you’re a tremendous slouch.” – Ty Webb

2. “We have a pool and a pond. The pond is better for you.” – Ty Webb

3. “I have to laugh because I’ve outsmarted even myself. My enemy, my foe, is an animal. In order to conquer the animal, I have to learn to think like an animal. And, whenever possible, to look like one. I’ve gotta get inside this guy’s pelt and crawl around for a few days.” – Carl Spackler

4. Judge Smails: “Danny, Danny, there’s a lot of, uh, well, badness in the world today. I see it in court today. I’ve sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn’t wanna do it, but felt I owed it to them. The most important decision you can make right now is what do you stand for, Danny? Goodness—or badness?”

Danny Noonan: “I know I made some bad mistakes in the past. I’m willing to make up for that. I wanna be good.”

5. “I’m going to give you a little advice. There’s a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball.” – Ty Webb

6. “Danny, see your future. Be your future.” – Ty Webb

7. “It’s easy to grin when your ship comes in and you’ve got the stock market beat. But the man worthwhile is the man who can smile, when his shorts are too tight in the seat.” – Judge Smails

8. “For me, there’s a subtle perfection in everything I do. I have my own standards, my own way. in everything I do. I’ve got my own standards, my own way.” – Ty Webb

9. “Remember Danny—two wrongs don’t make a right, but three rights make a left.” – Ty Webb

Famous Caddyshack Quotes

10. “The last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.” – Al Czervik

11. “He’s a Cinderella story. A former assistant groundskeeper about to become the Master’s champion. It looks like a mirac—it’s in the hole! It’s in the hole! It’s in the hole!” – Carl Spackler

12. Dr. Beeper: “I thought you’d be the man to beat this year.”

Ty Webb: “I guess you’ll just have to keep beating yourself.”

13. “Don’t be obsessed with your desires, Danny. The Zen philosopher, Basho, once wrote, ‘A flute with no holes, is not a flute. A donut with no hole is a Danish.’ He was a funny guy.” – Ty Webb

14. “I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. But I have a beard, so I got that going for me, which is nice.” – Carl Spackler

15. “The shortest distance between two points is a straight line in the complete and opposite direction.” – Ty Webb

16. “Just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball. You’re not being the ball, Danny.” – Ty Webb

17. Ty Webb: “You’ve got to win this hole.”

Danny Noonan: “I kinda thought winning wasn’t important.”

Ty Webb: “Me winning isn’t. You do.”

Funny Caddyshack Quotes

18. “It’s not my fault nobody can understand what you’re saying.” – Carl Spackler

19. “Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh?” – Al Czervik

20. Ty Webb: “You take drugs, Danny?”

Danny Noonan: “Every day.”

Ty Webb: “Good. Then what’s your problem?”

Danny Noonan: “I don’t know.”

21. “Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must’ve been something before electricity.” – Al Czervik

22. Judge Smails: “Ty, what did you shoot today?”

Ty Webb: “Oh, Judge, I don’t keep score.”

Judge Smails: “Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers?”

Ty Webb: “By height.”

23. “He called me a baboon, he thinks I’m his wife.” – Al Czervik

24. Sandy MacReedy: “I want you to kill every gopher on the course.”

Carl Spackler: “Correct me if I’m wrong, Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they’re gonna lock me up and throw away the key.”

Sandy MacReedy: “Gophers! You great git! Not golfers! The little brown furry rodents!”

Carl Spackler: “We can do that. We don’t even have to have a reason.”

25. Judge Smails: “Spaulding, get dressed, you’re playing golf.”

Spalding Smails: “No I’m not grandpa I’m playing tennis.”

Judge Smails: “You’re playing golf and you’re going to like it.”

Spalding Smails: “What about my asthma?”

Judge Smails: “I’ll give you asthma.”

26. “Bless this ship and all who sail on her. I christen thee The Flying Wasp.” – Mrs. Smails

Caddyshack Quotes That Show the Difference Between the Poor and the Rich

27. “You know, despite what happened, I—I’m still convinced you have many fine qualities, and I—I think you can still become a gentleman someday if you understand and abide by the rules of decent society.” – Judge Smails

28. Danny Noonan: “I planned to go to law school after I graduated, but it looks like my folks won’t have enough money to put me through college.”

Judge Smails: “Well, the world needs ditch diggers, too.”

29. Ty Webb: “This your place, Carl?”

Carl Spackler: “Yeah, whattaya think?”

Ty Webb: “It’s really—awful.”

Carl Spackler: “Well, I got a lot of stuff on order. You know—credit trouble.”

30. Danny Noonan: “I haven’t even told my father about the scholarship I didn’t get. I’m gonna end up working in a lumberyard for the rest of my life.”

Ty Webb: “What’s wrong with lumber? I own two lumber yards.”

Danny Noonan: “I notice you don’t spend too much time there.”

Ty Webb: “I’m not quite sure where they are.”

31. Danny Noonan: “Well, I’m going to college too.”

Chuck Schick: “Really—are you going to Harvard?”

Danny Noonan: “No, St. Copius of Northern—.”

32. Judge Smails: “Good. Good, very good. You know, I—I know how hard it is for young people today and I wanna help. Well, just ask my grandson, Spaulding. He and I are regular pals. Are you my pal, Mr. Scholarship winner?”

Danny Noonan: “Yes, sir. I’m your pal.”

33. “Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low-grade dog food. I’ve had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it.” – Al Czervik

34. “Danny, I’m having a party this weekend. How would you like to come over and mow my lawn?” – Judge Smails

Remarkable Caddyshack Quotes for Those Who Loved the Movie

35. “So we finish the 18th and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, ‘Hey, Dalai Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.’And he says, ‘Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.’ So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.” – Carl Spackler

36. “License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case, my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit—ever. They’re like the Viet Cong—Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that’s all she wrote.” – Carl Spackler

37. “Wait a minute guys. I don’t play golf—for money—against people.” – Ty Webb

38. Ty Webb: “Actually, Judge, I think it’s up to us to pick our substitute.”

Judge Smails: “Well, who do you want?”

Ty Webb: “Sonja Henie’s out. We’ll take Danny Noonan.”

39. “Let’s go, while we’re young!” – Al Czervik

40. “Well we’re waiting.” – Judge Smails

41. “No one likes a tattletale, Danny—except, of course, me.” – Ty Webb

42. “Whoa, did somebody step on a duck?” – Al Czervik

43. “You’ll get nothing and like it.” – Judge Smail

44. “Hey everybody, we’re all gonna get laid!” – Al Czervik

Caddyshack Quotes to Get a Glimpse of a Life With Wealth and Power

45. Judge Smails: “Listen, your father and I prepped together, went to war together, played golf together. We built this club, he and I. And let’s face it, some people simply do not belong. Let’s not—cave in too easy. What do you say, Ty?”

Ty Webb: “Let’s make it $40,000.”

Al Czervik: “Hey, great!”

Ty Webb: “You know, Judge, my dad never liked you.”

46. Bishop: “You never ask a Navy man if he’ll have another drink because it’s nobody’s goddamn business how many drinks he’s had already, right?”

Judge Smails: “Wrong! You’re drinking too much, Your Excellency.”

Bishop: “Excellency, fiddlesticks! My name’s Fred and I’m a man, same as you.”

Judge Smails: “You’re not a man, you’re a bishop, for God’s sakes.”

Bishop: “There is no God.”

47. “Hey, Smails! My dinghy is bigger than your whole boat!” – Al Czervik

More Caddyshack Quotes for Those Who Miss the Characters’ Funny Banter

48. Al Czervik: “A member? Are you kidding? You think I’d join this crummy ‘snobatorium?’ Why, this whole place sucks!”

Judge Smails: “Su—su—su—su—su—.”

Al Czervik: That’s right. It sucks! The only reason I’m here is maybe I’ll buy it.

49. “Country clubs and cemeteries are the biggest wasters of prime real estate!” – Al Czervik 

50. Judge Smails: “You’re no gentleman!”

Al Czervik: “I’m no doorknob either, alright?”

What Is the Craziest Thing You’ll Do to Achieve Your Goals?

Some people say that when an opportunity comes, you have to grab it immediately. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always lead you to success. Sometimes, it’ll lead you to people who aren’t genuine and really have no intention of helping you prosper in life.

Let us not associate ourselves with people like Judge Smails. He may grant a person’s wishes on the surface, but he only does so to control them. 

Instead, let’s invest our time with people like Ty Webb, who gives you life advice and things to think about. Success may not come instantly, but at least you’re treated with respect and integrity. Who knows, you might even get to build a lifelong friendship with them.

It’s understandable to feel pressured to have everything figured out in life. This is one of the main reasons we usually choose the fast track to success. However, there’s no need to rush things; enjoy and go with the flow of life, and trust that we’ll figure things out when the time is right.

Did these Caddyshack quotes entertain you? Which quotes taught you some valuable lessons? Comment below!